Monday, June 18, 2012

Lessons Learnt

I'm in a weird transition stage of my life at the moment: just finished my degree, looking for jobs, a Masters degree due to start in September and my 22nd birthday around the corner. I used to hate when things changed and it would always take me a long time to adapt and get used to a new way of living. But this time is a little different, I've got a whole bag of emotions going through my head. Partly excited, partly anxious but also in a reflective kind of mood which has prompted this post. Thinking back to my first ever post in which I had a yearning to discover myself and to understand what makes me tick I feel like I've learnt so much about myself since then. I think it's essential in life to always keep learning, growing and discovering, you can never know too much!

This year I've learnt so much about myself and the way I interact in the world and it's been interesting to reconnect with myself and mature as a person. The past 9 months or so has been particularly intense, trying to do well in my final year and also generally live my life. I think my outlook on life has changed greatly since I first started Uni. I'm much more driven and self assured now than I was before and sometimes I even scare myself with how driven I can be when I'm passionate about something. Aside from my ambitious nature I've discovered that I'm the sort of person that 'feels' a lot. By that I mean that I'm very emotive and whilst some people might not understand why I sometimes cry when I'm happy that's just me and I'm cool with it. I also learnt a lot about how other people perceive me which is always interesting. I think on occasions, particularly by males, I'm underestimated. I remember a few weeks ago a male friend of mine warned me off another guy because he didn't have particularly honourable intentions. I remember thinking to myself, doesn't he know that I already sussed this guy out time ago? Although I may come across as shy or timid I'm not afraid to stand my ground and after all the blows life has dealt me I'm not going to let anyone take me for a ride.

One of the biggest markers of the year has been about spreading positivity. I have been blessed beyond measure in many aspects of my life: family, friends, opportunities etc. and for me it's important to share some of the gifts I have received. There have been so many times, where just an encouraging word or bit of support has made a significant difference in my life and so I have endeavoured to spread positivity in the lives of people around me.

All in all I can say that life is pretty good for me at the moment. I have grown in many ways and I'm looking forward to more growth and more reflection!

The Death of Chivalry

This post is in reference to an event that happened over a month or so ago, just been to busy to blog/vent my anger about it.

It would appear that the age of the gentleman is well and truly over (although some will argue the age of the lady is also over too) but this particular event really made me think about the concept of chivalry and just common decency. Basically, an acquaintance of mine came to me for advice regarding a certain lady he was interested in. He had taken her out for a meal and had stated that the evening had gone well and they had a good connection. His dilemma was that since their meal there had been no further contact from her. I suggested that maybe she was waiting for him to make the first move and that he should take the plunge and contact her regarding a 2nd date. The next day he informed me that she had still not responded to his text. I proceeded with the whole 'you win some, you lose some' talk but received a very different response to what I had expected. The boy proceeded to tell me that he was going to contact the girl again, but to request his money back for the meal he had bought her. SORRY WHAT?? Words cannot describe my confusion/anger/concern after hearing this statement. So in this boy's head it's reasonable to request a refund for an endeavour that didn't turn out as expected. Simply because the girl wasn't into him, she now owes him for the meal he offered to pay for? Is this what the world is coming to? Now a girl can't be taken to dinner without the expectation that it's going to lead to something more? The joke is that this particular guy isn't even looking to settle or commit to someone and as far as I'm concerned the girl had a lucky escape. I did not even hesitate to tell this guy about himself and in all fairness I was a bit ashamed to be affiliated with him after that occasion. It would appear that in this day and age people aren't willing to invest unless there is a certain benefit for them too. I honestly hope that this guy is an exception to the rule because the world would be a pretty sad place to live in if everyone lived by that same code. My conclusion is that chivalry is definitely on it's deathbed but who knows, maybe someone will prove me wrong.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Loss or Gain?

Today has been an emotional day. Last night I found out that someone that I knew and whom I had great respect for had passed away. I was overcome with emotion, not just because it was a shock and unexpected but also thinking about the implications for her family and loved ones.

Whilst I'm still deeply saddened, I have learnt to shift my perspective a little. Whilst people may no longer be with us and we may miss them, we have not truly lost. In reality we gained from having them in our lives and from knowing them.

Today I also learnt the importance of appreciation. When you value someone and what they have done for you, let them know! I think sometimes people think I'm being insincere when I tell them how much they mean to me but I'd rather they know the truth in case I don't get the chance again.

R.I.P Lynne Millward. It was an honour and a pleasure to have known you and you will be greatly missed. You made a real difference to lots of people and I'm sure you didn't even realise.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Letters that I'll never send

So its around 3.15 am and I can't sleep. Then I get to thinking: how good would it be if I could write a letter to anyone or anything in the world saying EXACTLY how I feel! So naturally I started writing these letters straight away.

The first of these is quite bitter but it felt good writing it. The next two were quite heartfelt. All in all it was a very cathartic experience, one which I may try again. Who needs therapy when you can just write letters that you'll never send!

Letter 1 :

Dear Mr. Wannabe Gyalist,

You may be surprised to hear from me. After all, our last encounter wasn't too great (well at least not for me). When I decided to pen these letters, surprisingly you were on the fore front of mind. I'm not going to ask how you are or what you're up to. I'm not sure I'm really interested. I probably should rant at you about how you abused my trust and made a fool out of me but to be honest I can't be bothered. You didn't seem to care then so why would you care now? I guess it's understandable that sometimes people change their minds: one moment you want a relationship, the next moment you want every girl you can find. Fair dues. It's your life. But one thing I'll say is that you sure missed out. In hindsight it was all for the best. If I'd settled for you I would've sold myself short and Lord knows I can do better! No disrespect, just real talk. They say life's a lesson so I guess I should thank you for helping me to see my true worth.

P.S Sleeping with every girl you can find will probably only end up with you getting AIDS. Sorry mate.

Letter 2: A letter to my 11 year old self:

Hi Lauren. I thought I would write to you and give you a little encouragement. I just wanted to tell you that things will be ok. Everything yet to come: all the ups and downs, the tears and the pain will all be for a reason. Although at times you may not see it or may not understand why things have happened, please know that you are special.  Please know that you have been, and always will be loved and as long as you hold onto that you will do just fine! Keep your head up and keep believing that your dreams will come true.

Love you lots,

Your future self x

Letter 3: A letter to my heart

I guess this a mixture of a sorry and a thank you letter! I know I wouldn't be here without you but I also know I've put you through some hard times. I probably should have guarded you a bit better instead of putting you out there for people to abuse you, but I promise from now on I will be wiser with whom I entrust you to. Despite the bruising you experienced, you've been more than generous. You've allowed me to be passionate and to share love. I know sometimes you and my mind disagree but I trust you. Thanks for keeping me going.