I hate being undermined
I hate when people abuse my trust
I hate when people are suspicious with no just cause
I hate when people question my past experiences
I hate when I am not valued
But most of all I hate that I am a hypocrite who at one time or another has displayed or embodied all of the aforementioned traits.
It's often easy to notice the flaws in others but how often do we recognise these flaws in ourselves?
I don't want to become what I hate but through the act of loving myself and realising that I am a work in progress I pray that I will have as much insight into myself as what I am quick to display to others.
At the ripe old age of 21 I have come to question : Who am I? What is it that makes Lauren, Lauren? Concepts of identity that I felt were so stable seem to have flitted away and I've been left with a yearning to get to the heart of me. Fair enough I can probably adhere to certain labels: a daughter, a sister, a student, a friend, a sex bomb (I joke) but how well do these labels tell the story of me? More recently I have felt like I'm in a stage of transititon almost as if I have emerged from my cocoon ready to flap my wings. Whilst I'm sure that the old caterpillar traits and ways of thinking no longer apply, I'm still working out what it will take for this butterfly to fly high. Present day:
Now at 24 years old I'm still soul searching, still questioning and yet again in a stage of transition. After a period of non-use I'm back on the blogging front and it almost feels like a comfort blanket, a space to counsel to myself. When I first created this blog I had no idea how cathartic an experience it could be. Now with new perspectives and different life issues to deal with I have returned to my safe haven to find solace in my own words.
Sankofa: Learning from the past ,to bring to the future.